Kristin Kowalski Ferragut
Resolutions & New Starts
Lunar New Year brought a new wave of hope to this year for me. Early to be trudging through, but feels like we drag a lot with us these days — Covid, school shooting fears and sorrows, the Ghost of Election Yet to Come haunting us. For my own little personal reasons, I harbor angst over the world fully-reopening as much as I do over the looming virus. Not that my worries or wishes impact the big picture of the state of things, but it’s nice to know what intentions one aims to set and even to believe some positive movement exists by merely setting them. It’s impossible to tease out if there’s any truth to that, against and along all the intentions of over seven billion people. Anyway, I choose to believe, while acknowledging it matters little. But it’s of great consequence in my little life — the intentions I set, my priorities, resolutions. I took time at lunch today to reevaluate how I spend my time.
My habit tracker which ran from 12/17/21-1/31/22, because while I like occasions that mark time, I don’t particularly care to fuel their power, lists eighteen things, although really only twelve relate to creativity and passion projects. Of those twelve, I hit an average of about 20% per day. Math and statistics are funny and the way I shape them feels largely subjective. But it is clear that at this rate I’m unlikely to make much progress on my projects. And just like that, today I had a thought to add a goal! Weekly blog posts.
From 12/17-1/31 I worked on my blog three times; very little. When asked questions about my website or blog posts, I tend to mutter more awkwardly than usual and respond almost apologetically, in part because I began it with no clear vision whatsoever. I wanted acceptance to a writing residency and seemed to need a website for consideration. So, I got a website (although not the residency). I only now, three years later, begin to love the luxury of it and see the potential. I mean, hopefully, someone is reading this and that’s wildly cool — sharing thoughts, being heard. But also, what a wonderful forum for practicing skills and learning. So many excellent Poets to interview and so much room for growth in my process. So many books I look forward to reviewing. And recently, I’ve been inspired in reading much more Joan Didion than I read while she breathed, I’m sorry to say. I imagine the topics I might explore near-limitless.
So, just for the heck of it, trying to get my head around the possibility of writing a blog post a week without too much redundancy, I hopped onto a Google random journal prompt generator, which dealt me “...if time didn’t exist.” If ever I received a sign to support merit in an idea! Randomly advised to write about Time! I might argue that almost everything I write or have ever written has been about Time. Within seconds, I generated a list of four blog post ideas on the theme, not including this one.
I tend to believe for the most part, if one feels compelled to do something, one should honor that. (I mean as long as it’s not hurtful, obviously.) It’s tied up in my understanding of intuition and Divine Intervention, which may be perceived as opposite (internal vs. other) or one in the same. In any event, I’m compelled to write more, as well as read, play guitar, sing, get competent enough at sketching to seriously play with watercolor paints, and master making beignets before Mardi Gras. All this without losing sight of the real living poetry surrounding me and appreciating that I live with two astonishingly beautiful human beings who are willing to share time with me. Thus comes another radical idea! That I leave one day a week just for me; make no plans, just spend time with my little family and my projects. Another compulsion, so I aim to try.
While I’m always greedy for more time, tonight I appreciate its scarcity for forcing my hand in prioritizing what matters most to me. I got my twelve point habit tracker down to ten. I’m feeling a romantic sense of possibility in reattaching my aspirations to the gradual shifts of the moon, in some abstract perception inspired by the Lunar New Year.