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Writer's pictureKristin Kowalski Ferragut

Love Letter to Hate

Updated: Nov 18

I paused blogposts on poetry, mindfulness, and busking, to turn to the election. Not wanting to ignore glaring American happenings, I sought to unpack Trump’s win. With increasing angst that manifested physiologically, I tabled this investigation in preference to peace in this gorgeous November day. I made homemade bread and protein-packed chocolate chip cookies for my kid when they wake up, planned to write, play music, and paint. This has all the trappings of an ideal fall day, except…


I already riled myself up, which feels like a failure if for naught, so I turn the topic around to see another facet. Maybe this is the post — to explain some of my extreme reaction; to lay out my dread without bravado or blame, so that perhaps someone on the “other side” might grow more compassion, or someone who feels similarly might be consoled. I know I’m not alone in experiencing visceral, as well as intellectual, reactions to the election results. 


I don't dislike all Republicans. I do hate much of what Republican presidents that have sat in office during my lifetime have done. With that said, I've been opposed to at least a few things every President has done.


Trump is a whole other level of dreadful to me. I’ve felt this way about him since before 2016. 


When my then 8-year-old would be on the computer beside the kitchen when I was cooking and I’d hear Trump’s voice pop up from one of his YouTube videos, I’d be like, “Turn that off now!” I just couldn’t with his tone, smugness, or overall asininity. I never imagined that he’d be a serious contender for the presidency. In January of 2017 I threw a little party, inviting my kid to be in charge of the theme and menu. It was a Mexican themed party that we’ve affectionately come to call “The Wall Party.” We were having fun with what seemed an absurd idea. I’m not sure how much my kid “got” at 8, but just the cartoonish bluster and claims of the president-elect made it funny (were it not also sad). This is to say that my contempt for Trump is wider than his political ideology. 


Bigotry, lying, smugness (as I’ve already said) — things I hate. I try to imagine why those traits in him don’t drive most Americans crazy. I can’t come up with much. 1) I’ll grant that I tend to appreciate shock value and irreverence. He does have those. So maybe people like that and equate it to a vibe of being outside the system. Although he’s outside the law; he benefits from the power structure, the system. 2) I suppose most of us have loved a lying, smug, bigot at some point in our lives. I’m not sure how that can be translated from a personal failure in judgment to understanding a national phenomenon, but in some of that, there may be room for compassion and connection. 3) Those single-issues that drive support may have inspired people to look past the overall mean, offensive, oppressive views and behaviors of Trump. 4) America, is it possible? is more like Trump than Harris. 


I will say I love Maryland more than ever. And this has all solidified some views I’d waffled on. So I’ve experienced some minor personal victories (I note, looking for consolation).


I know a few single-issue voters. Maybe I’m one, although my issue might be too wide to count as “single”, being Civil Liberties. Some of those single-issue voters, whose issue was not supported by Harris, went against tradition and voted for her anyway. I am heartily grateful for their choice and their sharing it with me. I know it was hard. 


I’m pretty good at finding silver linings. In 2016 I reasoned that at least the racism and sexism that pervade this country would be brought to light, through having a president who fueled them, so that we might have an honest, hard public dialogue at last and come to terms with our gruesome past and institutionalized discrimination. I was wrong. Things polarized. And I think Trump’s election in 2024 speaks for itself as to the heart of America.


My undergrad degree is in Government. I study History. The comparisons between Trump and fascists in history are notable. Still, we have checks and balances and peaceful transition of power (even though recently threatened) and I have hope that this is just a 4-year term of toxicity and fear-mongering. (“just”)


I have never been prouder to be an American than I was in the past few months, under what I thought was the probability of a Harris / Walz administration; I mean, not since I was a little kid decking my bike out in red, white, and blue streamers for the 4th of July parade and dressing as Betsy Ross. I got a Harris / Walz t-shirt. I contributed to a presidential campaign for the first time ever. 


I was surprised by the outcome. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been conceding to my kids a lot (16 & 21). Their understanding of this country; their lack of faith; seems more on point than mine, despite my years and education, at least in the case of this election. 


I’m going to wind this down without a conclusion and without addressing substantive policies. I always say, “The personal is the political.” I recently did a deep dive into feminism and womanism and may not be using this phrase entirely as initially intended. But it still fits. What I mean is that there are laws and there is government, but they may or may not significantly impact how individuals interact and how we socially relate. How we individually choose to lead our lives, with what choices we have available — what we support, what we uplift, what we model, what we discriminate against — creates reality just as much or more than government does.  Honesty is revolutionary. Art speaks to the heart of things. Love creates movements. I’m not going to give this a pollyanna ending. Hate also speaks to people’s hearts. Fear also creates movements. I think the variable that shapes the direction is honesty and that takes reflection and courage.



(*h/t to Quinn for title.)

(h/t to Thomas Anderson for feedback that led to editing. Sometimes it's great being wrong. I appreciate the dialogue.)

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